18th January 2018

A few ways I’ve reduced my stress levels…

Work - By Alexandra Stedman

I didn’t really have a new year’s resolution this year, mainly because I have been working towards a few big, personal goals for a while now.

As a Freelancer and a workaholic (who loves what she does), working for myself hasn’t come without its challenges. I found it so hard to switch off and felt guilty all the time for not creating content or taking time off which slowly led to working weekends, evenings and constantly scrolling my phone over dinner.

I knew it wasn’t healthy, but the guilt of stopping and switching off was often worse than just answering every email and giving into the demands of others.

Last year, I made a few big decisions which have made a real positive impact on my work/life balance – it has taken a while to put them into practise but I’m slowly reaping the benefits and can honestly say, I’ve never been happier. Here goes….

Jumper: Next (old). Corduroy dungarees: £45, Asos Maternity. Mules: Boden (old). Photographs: Christopher O’Donnell

I stopped posting everyday

This sounds really silly, but I genuinely believed that to grow my social media accounts, I needed to be uploading everyday without fail, often a couple of times a day. This is what every article on building your following tells you to do, but in fact once I slowed down I found the opposite happened.

I now blog a couple of days a week (rather than every other day) and then Instagram daily if I can, but if I genuinely don’t feel inspired or can’t take a strong enough photo, I don’t. I found that my following has grown quicker when posting less but more meatier, thoughtful content (I actually gain more instagram followers when I don’t post!). And the weeks when I have just uploaded 2-3 photos I love, I find my to-do list is so much more manageable.

I rented an office space

We remortgaged to help pay for our building work for our home office…and then I decided that actually, I needed a separate space. Not very frugal, that’s for sure…

I tossed and turned the idea over in my head A LOT and knew that although it would be great to work from home when I could, I needed the separation of ‘switching off’ and leaving my work behind me, something that wasn’t happening at home. My freelance career was turning into a business with boxes constantly being delivered to my house for projects, I was running all over town for meetings and I needed some help – and working from a renovation site wasn’t helping. My work was also encroaching into my husband’s sphere, too – he was constantly having to move around boxes in our living room and wait in for deliveries – something had to change.

Ironically, I picked up the keys to my office the day I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t go in for months – but when I did start to go in regularly I found myself so focused. It’s local, so I save money on travel (or finding coffee shops in town to work from), it’s also quiet with no distractions – no builders asking me constant questions. I store everything work related there so all my stationery, chargers are there, which also means I am not storing all my paperwork/portfolios/ 7 years of tax returns in my spare room – I organise most deliveries to go here, too.

Importantly, it’s an office, it’s not my comfortable warm sofa – I don’t actually want to be there for long periods of time so I get in, do my work and try to get out at a reasonable time. I’ve made it as chic as possible but also been careful not to make it so cosy I never want to leave!

I hired an assistant

This has made a huge difference to me – there is sometimes only so long you can go on trying to achieve everything yourself.

Yes, both the office and the assistant cost me money (I have always paid everyone who works for me), which essentially means I earn less but for me, my goal has always been to enjoy my life and have more balance. So far, the help has been on a part-time basis but it has helped me greatly and means I can pass over a large amount of admin and research work which frees up so much more time. I haven’t worked late evenings or weekends for at least 5 months now and it feels amazing.

This is where the office has come in handy, too – when I was being sick everyday in my first trimester, there was no way someone could work from my house (mid renovation with a puking boss – no one would apply for that job!). Luckily, a lot of that freelancer guilt was removed from the equation because I knew that, to some extent, things were getting sorted in my office without me.

‘Self Care For The Real World’ by Nadia Narain, £11.89, Amazon. ‘Soho’ diary: Smythson. Notepad: kikki K.

Turned off messages on Instagram Stories

Now I don’t do this everyday, as I think it’s so important to keep a conversation going, however, when I was frantic in the lead-up to Christmas and the house was taking up every extra spare inch of time (without even having to remind everyone I’m pregnant on top), I found Instagram messages a bit relentless.

Not only do I respond to hundreds of emails a day from both PRs and readers, tweets, blog comments, facebook messages and instagram image comments, the questions on Stories became a bit much. It was nearing 200 direct messages on a usual, busy day – where was my coving from, my desk, my earrings, could I add a link to my coat, what colour were my walls etc.

Don’t get me wrong I love a chat, but I was spending ALL my time answering everything and didn’t have 5 minutes to myself. So now, generally, if I know I’m going to be busy and need to keep my head down and finish a project, I switch messages off. Often not even for an entire day, sometimes just a few hours when I feel a bit overwhelmed, this way my readers know it’s not a good time to ask (or if they really need to know something, they can always email me in my bio). I think the DM button has made people hastily ask questions that pop into their head, often not even expecting a response – and don’t even realise there is a frazzled person at the end of the line answering 50 questions at once in case they lose a follower over it.

At first I thought it was rude to close the door to conversation but then often forget it is a choice – and it’s more of an ‘out of office’, not a ‘don’t message me’ button.

So all of these factors have really helped my workflow and made me appreciate my free-time a lot more. Although I won’t deny that a huge factor has been the renovations and pregnancy – I’ve just had so much more on my mind and had to spread myself so thinly, I realised something had to give.

Hopefully I can keep this up into 2018 – I know it’s going to be an even bigger challenge once a child is in the mix, but equally why I knew it was important to sort last year and shift the balance.

By Alexandra Stedman

Fashion Editor, Blogger, Realist

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Comments

  1. For some reason , fro a couple of months ago, I can no longer see the images on your page? Did something change?

  2. Hello! Love these tips and your office looks great! Thanks ps If you don’t mind me asking, where is your diary from and would you recommend it?

  3. Hi Alex! I am a huge fan of your blog. For me the posting intervals are just perfect. I go back to what you posted a couple of times and think whether there is something there that I would like to try. Usually I am still thinking of a post when the next one comes. Since I have nothing to do with the fashion world, I don’t need a daily bombing with reading material. Plus I think most of your readers value quality over quantity, and so far you’ve been doing great in that sense! Keep up the good work… And the chilling moments! And thanks for sharing so much!

  4. This is very interesting. I’ve noticed you post a little less and you know what, I like that! I prefer aa little less content and more quality and you definitely do that. I have unfollowed some very popular people in the past 12 months because I just found them too much. Constantly on every platform and the IG Stories of them banging on every day. Honestly, sometimes less is more. Well done you!

  6. What a sensible approach to it all – social media can be so relentless can’t it? I made a positive step to restrict the amount of time I would let myself spend on it as it was encroaching too much on my own time and ability to get normal everyday things done. I took to actually muting my phone during the day so I wasn’t listening out for pings on the phone which “needed” responding to. And you know how the old adage goes “Less is more”. Ain’t that the truth. Take care. x

  7. I don’t mind less content, as your content is always top quality, its worth waiting for!
    I think a separate working space for people who would otherwise work from home is almost a necessity rather than a luxury. It means you’re not thinking builders, washing, what to have for tea when you should be working. And it means switching off at the end of the day can be as easy as shutting the office door.

  8. I think posting less can be a really positive thing! I have stopped following certain people recently because I just can’t keep up with reading/watching all their content! Your Instagram stories are always the first ones I watch though, especially for updates on your house renovation!

  9. I drastically reduced the amount of people I was following in 2018. I was feeling overwhelmed with trying to see all posts (I know it is silly isn’t it!); kept seeing the same products worn/promoted by multiple individuals; and most importantly was comparing myself in a not very healthy way. Now I longer have that FOMO stress and enjoy the small bit of IG that I now follow. So less posts and more quality is the way to go. (I also turned off all screen notifications for all apps – best thing I did to reduce my screen time.)

  10. Yes I agree! I unfollowed quite a few this year too – nothing wrong with what they were doing but it has made a drastic difference to my mood! And yes those notifications – we have something built in that makes us mark everything as ‘seen’ and ‘read’ and important to turn it off! xx

  11. I love this, and well done you!
    I look forward to all your news – even if its shared less often.
    PS a follower who is fickle enough to unfollow based on not receiving an instantaneous response, is not a follower that you need 🙂

  13. Loved reading this and definitely think the assistant and office makes total sense despite the cost, it’s good to separate life and business and not end up working 24/7.

    I stopped daily blogging nearly a year ago now (I was blogging daily for 5.5 years) and that just lifted such a huge weight from my shoulders. I can’t imagine going back to it.

    Mel x mediamarmalade.com

  19. Oh this is so good to hear! I definitely think it is a bit of a trend from other bloggers I speak to, as well – and it’s lovely to have loyal readers that care about the content xx

  20. Thank you, this is so interesting to read and makes sense – and agree an instagram everyday selling product can also be just too much – I just post when I have something I want to talk about rather than feeling the ‘need’ to post and I’m enjoying it so much more x

  21. It’s Smythson – I’ve used their diaries for years and is the one thing I ask for every christmas! They’re expensive but I love mine and it’s never not in my handbag xx

  22. Ha – they probably don’t unfollow! When you work for yourself you dream up all sorts of things that readers may think! Thank you and happy new year to you – may it be full of wonderful travels xxx

  23. It’s so funny the pressures we put on ourselves, isn’t it?! Sure readers didn’t even care if it was daily/weekly or not, but I had started so had set myself a precedent!

  24. This is such a great post Alex, thanks for sharing. Completely agree that less is more. Certain influencers/bloggers constantly push certain brands and items that you start to lose faith in whether this is actually their style or not. What I love about your blog and Instagram posts is that you always stay true to your style and us readers know that you have invested in that piece of clothing/shoes/bag because it’s genuinely what you like and wear multiple times. Thank you and continue to keep up the great work! Love reading each blog post.
    Ps congratulations on your pregnancy too x

  25. Thank you so much!! It’s so easy to lose your way with blogging – especially when you’re working by yourself and no one to soundboard ideas off of…I’m currently uploading my next outfit post where everything is old – but hey – that’s life! x

  28. So important to put yourself first sometimes and to find ways to make life a little easier for you. Even more important when working, renovating a house AND growing a little person.

    I love your content Alex, but definitely think a little less screen time/social media makes for a healthier life and mind, for us all. Xx

  29. Thank you – we have the perception that the world stops if we’re not promoting/working/creating content – but it doesn’t – and has taken me probably a bit too long to realise! x

  30. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and tips. I think there’s a culture of prioritising work above all else in the UK and I believe it not only damages our health, but makes us produce less quality outputs (whatever your role). Unfortunately it was illness that forced me to realise how unhealthy my attitude towards my job was and to make some fundamental changes. I now work part time, try hard to deliver high quality work within the hours I’m paid for and am a vocal proponent of balance, especially with my team and other colleagues. It’s hard not to get sucked back into staying in the office late into the evening, but I’m still working at it!

    Good luck keeping up with your new approach!

  31. Hey Alex, I’ve been following for awhile but yet to leave you a comment. Really appreciate your general sensibilities (fashion, authenticity, etc.) and this post was just what I needed to hear. As a very small blogger with a full-time job, it can feel overwhelming to feel like you need to be doing EVERYTHING in order to grow. Instead, I’ve found that being true to myself and thinking about what my readers will value has been an especially helpful guiding light.

    Thanks for all your inspiration – especially the maternity inspo! As a non-mom scared to have a baby, you make it look cool. Looking forward to following along when you officially become a family of 3 😉

  34. So wise for one so young! Alex I’m sure like most of your other readers I would far rather think of you living a happy, fulfilling and non stressed lifestyle with the balance your life needs than satisfying a demand for daily posts and the need for constant Insta stories messaging.
    At the end of the day it’s your blog and your life with so many exciting and wonderful things coming your way – we hope to join you in some of that journey but should always remember this is your job and you have every right to non work time like we all do (when we are reading your blog!).

    Wishing you both a fulfilling 2018, a wonderful home to bring your baby home to and good health.

    Pip x

  35. Alex I love your honest down to earth approach to your blog, I find it so refreshing. I’ve had to unfollow a few people this year when I realised they were starting to make me feel inadequate when I was comparing myself to them. I also started to question their authenticity. Really could their life be so perfect every day. I use your blog as a bit of a reference site, going back over city guides etc if we are planning a trip. It all feels genuine, real & inspiring in good measure.

  36. Alex, what an honest post, thank you. Everyone else has covered most things but I’d like to add that you have set yourself up well for when your baby comes. Perhaps you will take a complete break, enjoy the magic and chaos that is having a new baby. Once YOU are ready to ‘go back to work’ having an office space to go to is by far the best scenario. Somewhere to escape to and focus and get your brain working again will make you a happy stimulating mum when you come back to your home. I have 4 children BTW and stopped working (ie getting paid to work!) Big mistake. I wish you all the luck in the world.

  37. Alex, your blog is so refreshing. I was late to the Instagram party but quickly started to follow lots of people. I’m a late 30’s Mum of 2 and there are a lot of bloggers/influencers out there who fit my demographic. Recently though I have become tired of seeing the same few people all of the time, wearing the same things and am starting to unfollow people. I feel like I am constantly being ‘sold to’ on Instagram of late and whilst I understand that it is a social media platform that is utilised by brands in terms of advertising, recently the balance with a lot of influencers has tipped more into the selling side of things without giving us the snippets into their genuine thoughts and ideas that made us follow them in the first place. You however have the perfect balance, you come across as a lovely and genuine person and you always remain true to yourself and your own sense of style. You also have a really calm speaking voice and I listen to your insta stories and don’t feel like I am being shouted at! As Instagram has started to annoy me a bit recently I have come back to actually reading blogs rather than just looking at pictures of where things are from and you write extremely well.
    I am glad that you have taken a bit of a step back and the office is a great idea. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you are feeling well.
    Ps I think I live fairly close to you so I may bump into you one day!
    Take care x

  38. Loved reading this post. I’m a longtime follower who reads your every single post and I am so happy that you are setting limits and finding time for self-care. Life can be a bit relentless, I am all in for a more balanced approach…

  40. Bloody hell… 200 DM’s a day?! Now I feel MEGA honoured that you respond, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with mine and they’re nowhere near that number! Totally feel you with the seperate workspace, we’re working on creating our studio in the garden so that there’s a definitive boundary between work and life, at the minute the lines are very, very blurred and

  41. Good for you, I was taken aback when you replied to me within the hour about some shoes when we all really should think about bigger things. Remain ‘frugal’, less is more, quality not quantity #cocochanel.

  45. Yes, I really think it is in the UK! And terms like ‘killing it’ sometimes are actually not helpful – makes people inadequate if they’re not achieving everything at 100%! And it is so true that it is usually something big (like an illness) that makes us re-evaluate. There are a few brands I have heard where the boss makes sure they leave on time always to pick up their children etc – so the culture of guilt and staying late doesn’t impact anyone else – which is so healthy! x

  46. Yes – and you forget that blogging is supposed to be FUN and something you want to do! Thank you – I always so scared of starting a family but now it doesn’t feel as daunting at all! Taking everyday in its stride x

  47. Thank you – I have found my blog has been more enjoyable lately and have found myself going back to it more and more! And thanks for the link – will be stocking up on dates! x

  49. Aah thank you – and I agree, being bloggers we are all obviously very privileged but I try and stay true to myself and I know a lot of people don’t go out of their way to make others feel inadequate but you can’t help it when you feel it (I get it too, and unfollowed a few pregnant people wearing all designer clothes given to them the entire time!) x

  50. Thank you, great advice – hopefully the office will really come into its own once the baby is here – and luckily I work with my husband a lot of the time so will have a lot of support – wow, 4 kids – not surprised you gave up work! xxx

  51. I am always careful about ‘selling’ items, I share if I love it but it’s up to the individual to make an informed decision I think – which is why I always stay away from terms like ‘need’ and ‘have to have’! And I agree – I’ve found a new love for my blog and my stats have actually gone up over here, I think from people getting a bit tired of short snippets ALL the time – it gets a bit relentless. And ha about my voice – I HATE speaking on instagram, find it so cringey! I think everyone must be like that when they used to hear their voice on an answer machine! x

  53. Morning Alex, I echo everyone’s comments above!
    Always love your honesty too! It’s horrid to think we can stress you out like that!
    Look forward to following your adventures in 2018!
    Claire
    p.s. no need to reply ?

  54. It’s no one’s fault – more the pressures we put on ourselves to answer everything/be everything to everyone! And I love replying to people – comments and questions are the reason I’m doing this wonderful job! xx

  55. Hey!

    Where are your desks from in the picture where you are standing? They are lovely! I am currently renovating my office space and you’ve given me lots of inspiration…thank you!

    Rose x

  56. Hi Alex – Just catching up on your blog at this late date so definitely agree with other comments that it’s quality over quantity any day! Love your fashion and home updates and good on you for taking the steps you have to reclaim some ‘me time’. Ex

  59. Really love your blog posts, especially this one. Lovely to hear how other freelancers deal with social medial and emails etc. and its ok to ask for help!

    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, I also did a renovation project while pregnant, and it still wasn’t ready when I came back from hospital, so hope it will be ready for you.

  61. hi Alex

    I stumbled across your feed and blog a couple of weeks ago and it is such a treat to read!! I’ve just read through this older post and it really highlights the sheer volume and impact that you guys go through. I too have sent a couple of messages to you and you have always replied, which is so lovely, as not everyone does. However, it’s good for all of us to have a reminder, to give each other space. Silence is golden!! Have a super day. Loving your style and your ethos. I’m now 46, but feel a real synergy with your styling, albeit older!!! It comes to us all. xx